Challenge

Connection during Covid Times

Photograph by Saffu

Photograph by Saffu

So how is it going - this swimming in a sea of uncertainty and concerned watchfulness?  This challenge of staying separate and yet connected, of pulling back while leaning forward.   We all share many of the same hopes, the same fears, the same anxieties, especially during times like these.  Walking around the neighborhood it feels good to offer the friendly smile or nod of the head, acknowledging we are all in this together.


In fact one of my awakenings that I have learned from my clients over the years is that so many of us hold a strong value around connection and a desire for a sense of community.  A value strong enough that if their world were falling sideways this word, this experience of connection would be the one thing with the power to right their ship.  A guiding force toward happiness and health.   

So we all crave connection and likely more so now that we are being asked to hold ourselves separate.  The Corona dilemma.... And our world has gone askew as we hear about so many - one day healthy, the next day seriously ill.  These times call us to open our hearts and change our habits, maybe in some cases not such a bad thing?  And the call goes out to be creative in how we stay connected, how we are supportive and how we stay healthy in our body and mind


I thought I would share some resources and a story, both to inspire and if needed to right your ships during this storm.  All of these are natural stress and anxiety reducers, and stress, much like sugar unfortunately, weakens the immune system.   Let’s all keep our immune systems strong, vibrant, and optimally functioning during this time!

 

  • I have for years now been Meditating for health, for awareness, and personal growth. Meditation is nothing more than taking a few quiet moments to check in with yourself and ask "How am I right now?  What am I really feeling?  Where am I feeling it?"   And then opening to that vulnerable place, the place we perhaps unconsciously keep hidden away.  I imagine quite a few of us feel some form of anxiety with the uncertainty that surrounds us right now.  These quiet meditative moments give our bodies and nervous systems a chance to find their equilibrium, rebalance and find some spaciousness that was being crowded out with fear and worry.  Let your breath be the self soothing, nurturing presence it is meant to be.  

 

  • Many of us had a regular practice of Exercise that we can no longer do publicly.  Maybe swimming, weight training, yoga or rock climbing?  And now more than ever with the built up stress or anxiety it is important to find an alternative.  I went to a regular pilates class that kept my body aligned, strong and healthy.  So now what?  There are many online yoga and pilates classes being offered in the safety of your own home, hiking (6 feet apart) in nature with a friend could be a very healthy option, more creatively turning the lights down and having an in-house dance party of your own ( thinking maybe the Kinks or Shins), or quiet, free form movement.  Really anything that helps get us out of our heads and into the beauty of a body in motion!

 

  • Healthy Diet right now is a must for the internal workings of a healthy body.  We have been cooking at home, actually only my husband has been cooking for our safety, more about that below....I know this is new territory for some, yet now that you have the space and time, cooking for yourself can be very creative and nourishes the mindbody in ways “to go” cannot.  So why not enjoy a new recipe, or spice, or free form food combo!  

 

  • Laughing and staying connected socially can make the difference between feeling anxious or feeling loved.  Try out the apps Zoom or House Party for a virtual cocktail party, costume party, or open mic stand up.   Friends near and distant are just out there waiting for an invitation!

 

  • And don’t forget your favorite Local businesses, restaurants and providers who may not be getting that government check soon enough, or ever.  Lend your support by reaching out with an online purchase of a gift card or order that you can use in the future.  Many are providing curbside pick up which I venture to guess is likely more sanitized than a warehouse delivery.  

 

And now my story.  Personally I have had a challenging month.  I came down with a viral infection that settled in my respiratory system.  I lost my voice literally and maybe figuratively too as I could not write to you my HeartWisdom family.  Actually I myself was a little lost, very distracted and a little fearful not only for myself also for my immediate family, close friends, and our global community.  My symptoms checked all the boxes for Covid19 and seemed to last forever.  Finally after waiting 11 days for my test results to come back I can now joyfully report they are negative!!   This changed my entire perspective - my world got a little brighter, a little bigger, a little less anxious.  This change in perspective was mentally shape shifting and reminded me of a skill I practice with many of my clients, that we define our own reality in many ways.  I still have to manage this ongoing bronchitis, though can do it now without the added weight of “what ifs” and separation.

 

Right now I am offering my skills as a wellness coach and meditation teacher.  I am happy to lead you in an inquiry or if you like your own personal meditation to help you weather this challenging time.  Or maybe you would like to experience a new, previously unimaginable perspective that lives within?    If you are feeling anxious, fearful, confused, or something else?   I would love to Connect and support you with a few minutes of Wellness Coaching - meaningful, honest conversation, completely free and confidential, completely open-hearted and connecting. 

We are connected !  
Shunya

Acceptance - Is the Messiness Worth it?

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I am thrilled to say that Tiny Buddha, an established wellness platform, just published my writing on Acceptance. You can view it here or read along below. Let me know what you think !

Acceptance by its very nature is imperfect; it’s messy and often unpleasant, while ultimately leading to a place of growth, a sense of freedom, and a life familiar with ease. I know this because I have had a lot of painful acceptance in my life, and it has been crucial to helping me move beyond the stuckness of fear and suffering.

Years ago, being the natural striving, fun-seeking, achievement-oriented person I was, I ignored the fact that my body felt like a truck had run over it. I pushed, faked, and hid what my body was really feeling… until it all came to a screeching halt.

Diagnosed with lupus, an autoimmune disease, and a future of chronic pain or worse, I had to give up the impressive job, the active social life, and the self-image that had all propped me up in the world.  And then what was left?

Instinctively, I wanted to go back to the way things were, to repatch it all back together again.  Fortunately, I inherently felt the impossibility of all of that, and so the work began.

I started taking a meditation class and then a Buddhist practice, and one day sitting silently, feeling my body breathing, listening inwardly to what was there, the hard, guarding shell around my heart broke.  I had to accept there was no going back to normal, there was only being with what is and opening to where that might lead.

Acceptance is not resignation. It is not passively giving up. It takes courage and strength. 

I feel it more of a falling inward, dropping into the sensations of what is, recognizing and acknowledging what’s there. A place of empowerment and choice instead of feeling like a victim to chance. It is a beautiful sense of coming home to the body in the present moment, a feeling of wholeness and strength to better face your circumstances, whatever they may be.

That being said, there were a lot of tears and a lot of pain; in other words, it was messy. A series of small steps, it took a while.

I had to accept that I could no longer keep up with my carefree, energetic friends as they traveled around the world and partied around the clock.

I had to accept I would no longer create interesting buildings as an architect or participate in gallery shows as an artist.

Most difficult of all, I had to accept that I could no longer be the fun-loving, happy person my husband needed—at least not right away.

I had to accept my life had suddenly taken a new direction and be receptive to the possible changes that this might bring. Receptivity was the key to opening toward inner growth and inner intimacy, as well as a place of gentleness, all new territory for me!

So what is your experience of acceptance really like? Maybe there is an image or metaphor that best viscerally says “acceptance” to you. To me, it feels like a slow-motion fall into an undercurrent that sweeps me away.

It can feel quite beautifully poetic as a surrender into what is present, which floods me with a feeling of relief. It is more honest, more pure, less tinged with the shoulds of daily life—as in the pressure to be more productive, to be energetically outgoing, to follow through on all of my perceived responsibilities as a daughter, a wife, a friend. 

Allowing myself to actually be the way I felt, without the weight of someone else’s expectations, was the beginning of moving toward physical and emotional health.

Rilke writes, “Gravity is like an ocean current that takes hold of even the strangest thing and pulls it toward the earth. We need to patiently trust our heaviness—even a bird must do this before it can fly.”  

Trusting that the earth will support all of our weight, all of our heaviness, the physical pain and the mental anguish too, brings us to a place of feeling grounded, a place that’s ready to respond with wisdom and compassion, though this does take practice.

Pulling away from our pain or ignoring a life difficulty is a kind of resistance, a fighting of gravity, and an easy habit that will not heal our difficulties.

This tiring cycle of the push and pull of resistance makes everything difficult and takes a lot of energy, draining you of anything positive. It’s exhaustive like continuously having a really bad day.

Resisting that all aspects of my life had changed made the changes much more emotionally painful.  Stuck in this place of denial, I was unable to connect in the ways that nurture deep friendships and that create authentic appreciation for life’s small pleasures.

Recognizing the inner discomfort, it’s worth asking, “What am I resisting?” And even better “Do I want to be in acceptance mode or resistance drain?” And finally, “What is it that I need to accept?”

We all hold onto some kind of emotional pain by pushing it away in an effort not to be hurt, which ultimately and ironically keeps this pain very close. But what would it take to let it go? What is it that wants to be acknowledged and ultimately accepted?

And this pain, whether physical or emotional, leads to tight muscles and tight mental habits, a pattern of tenseness, a pattern of protectiveness that sucks the joy and spontaneity out of your life. Again, not much fun, not much pleasure. Trying harder and harder, like pulling on a necklace or shoestring that is knotted, will only make things worse.

Embracing life, not just the edited parts of it but all of it, is a place of wisdom and grace. I can find this place sometimes in movement or in meditation, and often these are the same, because as quiet as your body/mind can get in meditation, at all times it is gently moving with every breath. This is the movement that grounds your learning into the very tissues and neurons that make you tick.

If you can find your learning in the body, feel it in the body, you will not forget your experience or the glimpses of insight just discovered. The dancer Augusta Moore once told me “The breath is the music in the body.” I love this—the dance of life unfolding with each breath.

So why do we try to hold on so tightly to what was, even though it creates nothing but frustration and pain?

Once we find the means, whatever this might look like, it feels so damn good to drop the efforting, to accept, to fall apart a little, or perhaps a lot, and then move on, move forward with our new reality and all it has to offer. It can feel so good to allow this deep relaxing in the body, find that place of peace and feeling of liberation.

And embracing life is what it is all about. We want to respond whole-heartedly, not with dullness or avoidance or anger. The danger lies in blocking too much of our self, guarding against the pain, the fears, or sense of being trapped in denial.

Staying true to our entire experience allows us to loosen our responses, drop the guard, and be in a place of acceptance. As David Whyte writes, “The price of our vitality is the sum of all of our fears.”

I have heard it said, and reluctantly have felt this truth, that the body cannot lie. So I invite you to find a quiet moment and listen deeply to what it is your body really wants to tell you, the inner wisdom it wants to share in healing; whether it’s an illness that has taken you down or a broken relationship that feels like it has left you stranded, your body/mind knows how to heal, and acceptance is the key to opening that door.

With an open heart and a willing mind, really hear what your strongest ally, your body, wants you to know: that this partnership, between the mind and the body is a strong one, it is a relationship that will guide the winds of change with grace and ease. Acceptance helped me learn to listen within, and then trust what I heard, trust just what my personal world was asking me to respond to, and step peacefully forward into that vibrant flow of life.  



Try these 5 ways to Breakthrough Challenge

How to find ways toward that bigger expanse!

How to find ways toward that bigger expanse!

Life - the highs, the lows, the challenges.  Let's talk Challenge and our response to challenge. There are many - Maybe a difficult relationship, not feeling vibrant or healthy in our body, overwhelmed by daily demands, or conversely just plain bored and dulled with the daily grind.  Any sound familiar??
 
Most often we will respond in our habitual way, because that is easiest, and when we are under stress - we go for easy.  And I am guessing the popular ways (because I have done them all myself) to respond are; ignore and deny, anger, dipping into self pity, resignation, distractions, or blindly powering through. All of these in addition to not working very well, build up in our bodies and create havoc - headaches, fatigue, unhappiness or worse.
 
Let's look a little more closely at overwhelm and resistance. Overwhelm is a popular predicament - many of us just feel so bogged down and lost in overwhelm. Did you know that overwhelm is a version of being in victim mode? That feeling of powerlessness, giving up, not taking responsibility for life's situation, why oh why is this happening to me?
 
And then there is resistance - my personal favorite. Resistance is an energy zapper, an avoidance scheme, heavy and exhausting. It has a fear base to it and makes everything seem so much harder than it needs to be.  Now that is a challenge!  The poet David Whyte wisely says ~ "The price of our vitality is the sum of all of our fears."
 
What if we were to turn toward this challenge and get really curious, honestly curious? What is going on underneath the layers?  What do we feel in our body?  If you were to take a wild guess, what do you think is feeding this challenge? And then continue diving deep into it from there...so much to uncover !
 
This may sound not so interesting or difficult but the challenge looms! And that in and of itself is uncomfortable or maybe even painful. So breaking through a habitual response might really be worth it.  Recognizing where we really are with a situation and acknowledging the responsibility we hold in this, is the first step to meeting a challenge. 

5 ways to get Started with this process of breaking through.

Try on a different perspective, looking at the issue from a new angle. Perhaps imaging stepping back, way back, so that you get the big picture, as if you were a movie director, or a stranger peering in, What Patterns Do You See?   

Honor what your body is telling you it wants to do.  Listening in for the Clues of tightness, guardedness, deadness, maybe even a sense of nausea - all tell tale signs that there is another, easier way possible. Then trust your intuition on what that might be

Embrace the looseness and Lightness of Being Creative. This could be wearing mismatched clothes, dancing by yourself with the music blaring, coloring out of the lines, whatever your routine is try to do it, approach it, differently.  Hint:  No one does creative perfectly, in fact imperfect is better.  

Ask for Help. There are times when we all need to talk with a friend, a relative, a professional. Pick your confidante wisely so that it feels safe to be vulnerable and genuine. This offers not only support but possibly new views into what feels like a bleak situation.

Make Time to Be Alone out in nature. There is a lot of beauty and wisdom to absorb in those silently present 400 year old oak trees, million year old boulders. Perhaps lie down on the earth, contemplating the ever changing clouds, our expansive blue California skies. Experiencing the innate truth that everything changes, your situation is not fixed.

 So pick one, trying to keep your mind open to new possibilities without going into your habitual pattern. Recently I was lucky enough to expand my training with Lucid Living, an advanced program that helps me help my clients move past what they find challenging into a place that feels better in every aspect of their life. If you are curious, or want to share something about all of this, reach out. I am here for you and believe that our challenges can connect us in this evolving dance of life.