Anticipating our late summer I realize it is time to remove the extremely heavy woolen coat I have been wearing for....Quite awhile. It was time - I wanted the airiness, the freedom from the weight. And I realized this cloak was not going to come off easily, as it had been carefully wrapped and buttoned up to protect me from the dangers of living in a demanding world with chronic pain and illness. And I also realized that while it was protecting me it was also suffocating me. My energy was stuck deep inside that woolen fabric. I had a hard time completing things that I wanted to do, that I had started, that could ultimately be very satisfying. I had a sense of resistance as I pulled around the weight of this cloak with an awareness that it was creating discouragement and deep fatigue. My spirit felt wounded, clipped so that any kind of flight was totally out of the question and everything was difficult. Ugh.
What is this weighty cloak? Stories, old stories based on the past, that had helped me regain a sense of balance in my body. There was a time that I needed to tie down my will power, the will power I had used to override my body's needs and fuel my desire to work better, play harder. The will power that blocked out all messages sent in desperation from my body to slow down, take a break, and finally broke the cellular master design that controlled my immune system, resulting in autoimmune illnesses that turned out to be much stronger than my will.
And after a long while the coat helped. It slowed me down and allowed the natural instinct of my body to heal and rebalance. It is a story I want to remember; this story of rest, compassion and care of myself and it is a story I am ready to rewrite. I no longer need to be bound by a heavy cloak to take care of myself. My patterns have changed and I have learned that rest and awareness are powerful allies, to use when necessary, no cloak required.
I see that these stories we tell ourselves have impact. They can propel us forward in the direction we hope for or they can weight us down, stuck and immobile. They impact how we see ourselves, how we interact with others, what opportunities come our way...or don't. And because we know them so well the possibility of a new ending is unlikely.
As we all know, life by its own nature changes; I change, my body changes. I needed a new story if I wanted to twirl carefree in a sunny, open field. So I did take off the coat, letting go of fear, trepidation, confusion, along with the sense of heaviness and resistance that accompanied it. I have not forgotten the lesson of rest and awareness and now I have the choice of weaving it into a new pattern, a new story, one that includes a little twirling.
So what old story have you been dragging along? Is it still helpful to you or is there a rewrite that might provide a little more movement in the direction that is calling you right now?
Comment below and let's get this conversation started!